MLS Announces Changes To Annual Heineken Hooligan Week

With the yearly exhibit of all things rivalry, Heineken and hooligan now upon us, Major League Soccer announced that the third year of the Heineken Hooligan Week will bring some dramatic changes to the yearly competition in order to increase supporter participation.


"We will still have the Hardest Crew pose off and the Sandwich Board throw," stated MLS director of Hooligan Affairs and crap beer czar Dante Washington. "However, now we will also be adding in the MLS Heineken Pyromania competition, a styrofoam cooler smash, and 100 yard scarf steal dash."

According to Washington the MLS Heineken Pyromania competition will involve individual supporters sneaking pyro into their home stadiums, using it successfully, getting the scene into a commercial or advertisement utilized by the league and then getting banned by the league. The longer the ban and the more that the league uses the advertisement, the more points the supporter gets. This will be a yearly competition that will culminate during Heineken Rivalry Week and Heineken Hooligan Week.

As well, entering the competition this year is the Styrofoam cooler smash and the 100 yard scarf steal dash where supporters attempt to smash up the personal effects of other supporters in an attempt to look cool and evade the cops.

"Nothing says unrestrained passion for your city and your team like gently destroying a cooler filled with terrible beer that is carried by a soccer fan of a team that you've hated for the last year or so," stated Washington to The Nutmeg News. "We also plan to have a 100 yard dash where you steal a scarf off a supporter and then are chased by other out of shape supporters for 100 yards before the league issues sanctions against your supporters group and a banning order to someone in the general area of where the theft occurred."

Fans are reportedly excited for the new additions with several new Firm's spinning up in order to take place in the games.

"I've been practicing for the 100 yard scarf dash for at least 2 minutes this season already," stated one anonymous LAFC fan from the supporters group IRON HAMMER FIRM NOT ASSOCIATED WITH WEST HAM. "I'll run even faster if it happens to be an LA Galaxy fan that I'm stealing from."

The Nutmeg News will have more as the hooligan festivities kick off, bruv.