Space Force To Launch First Mission To Retrieve Wondolowski World Cup Shot

WASHINGTON - President Donald Trump announced that the first mission for the newly formed United States Space Force would be to retrieve the ball shot into orbit from Chris Wondolowski during the 2014 World Cup.

"We're getting very big into space, both militarily and for other reasons. Space is war. War is space. We can't let our balls hang out in space. We need our balls. We need space. Spaceballs. SPACE. BALLS. You see, the lying media won't tell you it's about balls and space," stated President Trump to the assembled reporters. 

"It's bigly. Rotten Hillary wouldn't have gotten our balls in space because Comey, Deep State, No-pee tape, crowd size, FBI, lying media children crisis actors should be jailed and armed."

According to insiders with SPACE FORCE (a separate but equal joint), they don't have a clue how they will be getting the ball back however the administration remains nonplussed.

"We have rockets. They have rockets. The media lies about the size of our rockets. Our rockets our huge. Our balls are huge. We have huge rockets to get huge balls," stated President Trump to an ice cream cone he thought was a microphone. "I can't wait to get our huge balls back in our huge rocket. Trump 2020."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the White House pushes to use migrant children as fuel for the upcoming mission.