FIFA Hopes World Cup Spotlight Will Force United States To Resolve Human Rights Issues

Zurich, CH - After the final announcement was made regarding the destination of the 2026 World Cup, the Fédération Internationale de Football Association (FIFA) indicated that they hoped the World Cup spotlight would force the country to resolve some of their human rights issues over the next 8 years.


"We spoke to the administration of President Trump and he assured us that they would take a look at our concerns," stated President Gianni Infantino to The Nutmeg News on Wednesday. "This country has 8 years and we will be keeping as close an eye as we have on the World Cup in Qatar."

Insiders with FIFA indicate that the federation was very worried about the United States caging children in detention centers, the poor treatment and working conditions of immigrant and migrant workers, the rise of far right fascist groups, the unsolved and virulent racism, and the gun violence epidemic that has no signs of slowing down.

"We took into consideration the problems with the United States, but decided that money was money and money, money, but money and so much money," stated FIFA secretary Thandie Portnoy. "We already did indentured servitude, homophobia and poor treatment of migrant workers with no rights in Qatar, so moving to the United States really isn't going to be that different."

Sources with the United States claim that you can't paint the country with a broad brush, but they did admit that there's been 23 school shootings so far in 2018 and it's likely only going to get worse in 8 years as the country does absolutely fuck-all to resolve any of their issues.

"We believe that football can bring a country together," stated Infantino. "The spotlight of fair play and code of ethics for which FIFA is famous will shine a light on the United States and encourage reform in the rampant economic divide, racism, and violence that currently courses through the nation."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as .... um..... well.... look, let's just hope that everyone keeps their nukes in their pants for the next 8 years.