Lincoln, NE - Former soccer blogger Richard Smith indicated that he is ready to return to writing about soccer, again, after his breakup with Paula Hallsey was finalized leaving the once prolific writer with acres of time on his hands.
“Yeah, so I have absolutely nothing going on in my life, now…. I might as well start blogging again,” stated Smith to his cat Jaques.
According to friends, Smith’s relationship with Ms. Hallsey filled the hours he previously spent re-watching classic USMNT games whilst wearing a stained hoody and eating nachos with tender and peaceful dinners where the two would talk about their hopes and dreams.
“Yeah, it was great, but look at all this free time I have,” stated Smith as he dug into a king size bag of Skittles that he purchased for dinner and began watching the United States versus Ghana from 2014. “It was just too much work being happy all the time and I’ve just replaced all those feelings of love, acceptance, joy, and family with analysis of the tactics of Bora Milutinović.”
Friends state that Mr. Smith has been sitting at home eating cereal for lunch, watching soccer, and sitting on the couch for the past two weeks as he attempts to get the word out on Twitter that he is back in the game.
“Honestly, it’s really depressing,” stated good friend Dave Williams. “Paula was a great girl and now he’s just staying in like some kind of reclusive shut-in. He keeps claiming to have all these other friends, but I think he’s just trying to talk to people on Twitter. I invited him out for trivia the other day, but he said he was going to research podcast equipment online and write a column about the enduring legacy of Carlos Bocanegra. Honestly, the dude needs less time on his hands cause this is ridiculous.”
For his part, Mr Smith indicated that he is doing just fine as he only wept into his pillow twice last night at the never ending darkness that seemed to illuminate his poor choices in relationships.
“I’ve got it great,” stated the red-eyed man child wearing a Descendents t-shirt that he remembered fitting a lot better 10 years ago. “And I managed to get a really good shift working at Papa Murphys. It just leaves more time for me to write my masterpiece and get hired by The Athletic. I’m using my blog to apply for a press-pass to MLS Cup. Now I just need to figure out how to save enough money to get there.”
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Smith is showered with praise on Twitter for his return more than he showers at home.