INTERNET - Brave internet hero George “zerocool” Williams reportedly traveled the internet yesterday evening performing a heroic civic duty of reminding everyone that they shouldn’t enjoy the Wayne Rooney free kick goal because it was scored in Major League Soccer (MLS).
“Keeper shoulda had it,” stated Williams to 128 different Twitter accounts who gleefully tweeted out the gif of Rooney’s goal only to have their night ruined by Williams in one fell swoop. “The standard of goalkeeping in this league is so bad that it’s not really a surprise. How on earth you could enjoy this shit is beyond me. The standard is abysmal. It’s probably not even amateur level in Hampstead Heath.”
Williams kept to his guns despite extreme pressure from outside Twitter accounts who labeled him a troll as he boldly ensured that no one on the internet would enjoy this goal in peace.
“Terrible league and really it wasn’t that special,” stated Williams to @Red2706 a 12 year old boy in Baltimore who idolizes Wayne Rooney. “You should be watching good players in good leagues and not this trash stuff.”
Williams didn’t limit his efforts to Twitter as he also logged on to Facebook in order to ensure that everyone would understand that their reaction to this free kick goal should be restrained and muted disapproval of the goalkeeping, defense and overall league intensity.
“I don’t know how you could watch this and not understand that it would be saved by 99% of goalkeepers in the Premier League, La Liga, Serie A, and even the Eredivisie,” ranted Williams to a Facebook group to which he was just admitted. “The fact that you think this goal is special is just proof that you don’t watch enough soccer.”
For his part, Williams intends to continue his crusade until he ruins the enjoyment of every special moment that any fan of the beautiful game could possibly have.
“I have standards and while they may be high…. the very fact that you would ask me why I would do this shows that you just don’t understand the game at my level. Wayne’s goal was like the Star Wars prequels and the sequels and really Star Wars in general. Utter Trash.”
The Nutmeg News will have more no this as Williams breaks down why this goal was nothing special on his YouTube page, blog, Twitter account, Reddit account, Facebook account and shouting at strangers on street corners around the world.