CHICAGO - The Doomsday Clock, which symbolizes the current threat of global annihilation, was moved closer to midnight Thursday following the suggestion that Major League Soccer was getting closer to unveiling a franchise in Miami.
Invented in 1947, the clock was a way for scientists to demonstrate how close humanity was to destroying the world with dangerous technologies of its own making.
According to sources within the watchdog organization, the possibility of a MLS Miami unveiling after the Crew situation over the past year and the implosion of the NASL gave enough reason for the clock to be moved to 2 minutes to total annihilation.
"MLS Miami? Just think John Conner, the end of days and a giant comet all mixed into one," stated Scientist Jim Dade. "Personally I'm going to pull all my money out of t-bills, buy gold, find some ketamine and just stream Strange Days on repeat until we devolve into a technocratic police state where my body will be worth some gold pressed latinum."
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as officials with the doomsday clock move the hand forward to 1 minute to midnight after Athletic Club Beckham Miami United FC is officially announced.