Philadelphia Union Fan Readies For 2018 Season By Preparing Novelty Protest Coffin With Two Coats Of Lacquer

Philadelphia, PA - Union fan William Riddle carefully readied for the 2018 season by prepping his novelty protest coffin with two coats of lacquer, to give it a lovely sheen. 


"It's important to be prepared to use a coffin again," stated Riddle to The Nutmeg News. "The last time we used this coffin for Sak it was a dull blue and hastily constructed. I'm really wanting this to have a shimmer and shine this season."

According to Riddle a liberal application of lacquer thinner, "helps improve the flow and leveling when applying lacquer so your finish is smooth and streak free. It's really going to make our protest against the Union ownership that much more classy and effective."

While Riddle sincerely hopes that he will not have to use the coffin again, the recent lack of moves by the Union has him busting out the fine grit sandpaper and finishing the novelty coffin with some detailed scroll work.

"We can protest Sugarman and all of his cronies, but do it in a really glamorous way. Gone are the days of ply-board coffins. It's all about that beautiful hand-made and artisinal coffins... y'know with some scroll work. It's a classy fuck you, this year."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Riddle waits to paint any messages on the coffin until he is absolutely certain who is at fault for 2018.