APB Issued For Ali Curtis Whereabouts

NEW YORK - An all points bulletin (APB) was issued for the whereabouts of Ali Curtis after another player deal was made by the New York Red Bulls without any information from the infamous sporting director.

"This is actually part of the advanced plan on page 553."

"This is actually part of the advanced plan on page 553."

Concerned fans have asked about the location of Mr. Curtis after rumors surfaced that the sporting director was to be let go. However, the front office of the New York Red Bulls indicated that there was no change within the organization.

With the signing of Rafael Diaz, this afternoon, fans have still yet to see a proof of life from Mr. Curtis. After waiting the requisite amount of time suggested by a recent Law and Order episode, a missing persons report was filed by RBNY fan Jimmy Plaschette of Teaneck, NJ.

"I called in a missing persons report.... what of it?" stated Mr. Plaschette to our reporter on Tuesday. "We don't know where Curtis is. The organization won't release his location. Maybe he is in Stuttgart. Maybe he is in Lybia. MAYBE.... he is in Sacramento. We demand to know that Curtis is alive. BLINK ONCE TO SAY YOU ARE OK, ALI!"

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the conspiracy escalates.