Rivalry Forms As Race For The Bottom Intensifies

A reported rivalry between Chicago Fire supporters and Colorado Rapids supporters has formed after both of their front offices figure out new and inventive ways to disenfranchise both groups.

 "Now you guys just get out there and knock it about. Not too well, mind you. We have standards."

"Now you guys just get out there and knock it about. Not too well, mind you. We have standards."

"We figured we might as well enjoy this slow descent into hell," stated Fire supporter Geoff Holland. "Losing Shipp is just another nail in the coffin, especially with his eloquent goodbye that was posted. I mean he may not have been the savoir of our team, but at least he was ours. Now we can all just descend quicker into the miasma of hate that will suffocate Section 8 this season."

Rapids fan Victoria Natchez stated that she refuses to let the Fire win out on the most miserable team in 2016 stating, "If we aren't going to win much this season, we should at least win at being the worst. I want to see a full sale atom bomb type season, with Pablo gone after 3 months and fans showing up in sackcloth and ashes. It's going to be amazing and I refuse to let Chicago own the title of worst team in Major League Soccer. We want to create a trophy that both sets of fans can trade between each other. Something like the wooden spoon but more desperate and horrifying. Maybe it'll be the wooden bed pan award."

With both sets of fans competing for the bottom of the table, the fanbases are going to try new ways to watch their teams slow meandering run towards defeat with Chicago supporters group member Paul Merson stating, "I'm just going to show up with a two stick that has our number of wins on it, that way I won't have to do too much work. I love this team, but I'm not going anywhere so I might as well have fun as I slowly watch my friends not come back to the stadium."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Chicago scores a small number of victories out of the gate leading everyone to say that they are fine before they struggle the rest of the season.