Major League Soccer To Consider Adding Dungeons and Dragon Player Acquisition Rules

NEW YORK - After briefly considering adding a new fourth designated player rule, Major League Soccer announced today that they were considering adding Dungeons and Dragons rules for player acquisitions in the league.

"We felt like a dice throw would be an interesting adjustment for our league" said executive vice-president Dan Courtemanche. "We will require all owners and general managers to create a character attribute list for themselves including what they carry to a player acquisition meeting. For example, Bruce Arena has been given the Blessed Sword of Impudence that he found in the Brooding Cavern of Great Success during the 17th age of the West."

Major League Soccer has long played loose and fast with the rules, but they see the Dungeons and Dragons option as a way to codify the rules while also adding an entertaining value.

"I just want to see Nick Sakiewicz using his roll for initiative at the beginning of the meeting, end up low on the order and then resort to casting the spell of entrapment to acquire another goalkeeper" said Courtemanche. "Can you imagine Adrian Hanauer pulling out the dagger of indignity from a level 3 troll and using his spell of confusion to attempt to combat the inequities of the transfer system? This is going to be great."

Mark Abbot, president and deputy commissioner, said that he has a few surprises up his sleeve as the dungeon master of Major League Soccer, "I plan on making sure that I set the landscape up as a challenging adventure, while simultaneously making it interesting for our live stream audience. We are planning on streaming this to youtube so that you can see Garth Lagerwey dressed up as a dark elf while yelling out things like 'ROLL FOR ALLOCATION MONEY'. Imagine the fun we will have with Clark Hunt trying to get a religious exemption for his high paladin while simultaneously trying to cross the Chasm of International Player Rights."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this new form of confusion as it happens.