Woman Who Took Entire Season Off From Playing Soccer Mystified At Lack Of Scoring, Blames Turf

VANCOUVER - Despite having hardly any minutes of game time preparation for the Women's World Cup this season, United States forward Abby Wambach registered her complaints about the turf that the women are playing upon while simultaneously blaming it for the lack of goals on her teams side. 

"I think I score if we're on grass," 

said Wambach in comments after a practice.

When asked if perhaps her decision to come into the World Cup with no real on-field in-game preparation this season has more to do with her lack of scoring ability in the first two games, Wambach had the following to say.

"Nope, It's totally the turf. I don't need practice, I just need grass."

The most startling part of Wambach's comments came following these quotes where she said,

"In the previous game, I don't lay out and commit to those headers and that's why they glance off my head rather than me contacting them. For me, I definitely think that the U.S. has more goals if we're playing on grass."

Which, of course, flies in the face of Wambach's earlier comments of, 

“Because people are a little bit scared,” -- about her teammates

“They’re like: ‘I’m going to pump that ball up to Wambach, see what happens. I don’t want to play this little 5-yard ball, because if I pass it and it gets picked off and we get scored on, then it’s my fault.’ The nerves and stress make people play a little more direct, make them play a little ‘Let’s just pump the ball in there; this is a safer play.’ And I just make stuff happen.” -- about her teammates fear making them rely on her.

When asked about her comments and her perceived teammates fear in relation to Wambach's rust and inability to go 90 minutes combined with her current lack of match sharpness, she had the following to say, 

"It's The Turf."