Area Man Tells Nation's Youth, "Stop Being Such A Wuss And Get Those Concussions"

PHILADELPHIA - Philadelphia man, Warren George, was shocked to find that heading in the game was being reduced at the youth level and he spent most of his Tuesday morning on twitter calling this attempt to reduce head trama, "A PERVERSION OF ALL THAT ENCOMPASSES BEING WHAT AN AMERICAN IS."

Brain damage isn't cool.

Brain damage isn't cool.

"These kids are such wimps these days and don't know what a good concussion can teach you," said a slightly intoxicated George to a Nutmeg News reporter on Tuesday. "Back in my day we got concussions and used them as a matter of pride. We wanted that brain damage. Why, if more 10 year old kids aren't getting brain damage then how are they, later in life, going to learn about prescription drugs and alcohol as coping mechanisms?"

Mr George was, as well, incredibly incensed that Taylor Twellman made any effort towards keeping future children from suffering the same concussion issues that he has faced throughout his career.

"This is what you get when you have someone out there scaring kids away from getting concussions. Children should go from heading the ball repeatedly for hours at a time to hitting other kids with their heads like linebackers for fun. Twellman is trying to nanny-state your children by telling them that getting brain damage isn't cool. Kids these days don't get ENOUGH brain damage. How will our nations youth become elite soccer players without continued practice of heading the ball. That's all we've done for 50 years internationally is punt the ball and head it. I will be that man on that wall bellowing out against the injustice of healthy, non-brain damaged children. Back in my day we got our brain damage by riding bikes without a helmet into a wall as latch-key kids stealing from convenience stores and hanging out with strangers eating candy... AND WE LIKED IT. I say this to all the children in the United States of A-MERICA, stop being such a wuss and get those concussions."

The Nutmeg News will have more on Mr George when he starts screaming about Mexican soccer youth taking the midfield jobs of United States players.