NORTHERN TERRITORIES, CA - Soccer shitposters long stranded from fully reliable and usable internet in rural areas of Canada were finally able to log onto the internet and give strongly worded opinions about anything and everything after signing up for the Starlink Beta.

“FINALLY, I can start uploading my unabridged and unedited youtube rants on the Canadian Men’s Team World Cup qualifying,” stated Jason C. of Aklavik. “This 100Mb download speed and 30ms latency is really allowing me to interact with people across Canada and the rest of the world. Finally, I can tell Cristiano Ronaldo and his fans that they suck without dropping my frame rate or sacrificing video quality.”

Soccer fans in Tuktoyaktuk expressed their excitement as they can update their FIFA consoles while indicating that the Mackenzie Valley fibre optic line failed in its initial promises.

“I just gave up,” stated on Tuk resident Stephen Highwater. “I’ve always dreamed of being screamed at by a 12 year old kid in Ohio with FIFA online, but I thought it would never happen. Now, finally, with the Starlink service, I was called a racial slur, and had my opponent rage quit when I was up 6-2 with 2 minutes left in the game. It was the highlight of my day.”

For their part, a category 2 shitposter in Paulatuk who requested to be anonymous, stated that finally they could start a campaign of harassing CMNT stars that were on Twitter.

“The internet finally arrives in a way I can use it,” stated this anonymous user. “I can’t wait to yell at Alphonso Davies for being an overrated hack and start a podcast..”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as people with Starlink can finally stream and complain about the new Star Wars movies on Disney+.