Major League Soccer Announces Mandatory Recitation Of Pledge Of Allegiance Before All Future Games

NEW YORK - Major League Soccer (MLS) announced that all attendees to future games would be required to recite the Pledge Of Allegiance to the United States of America and Major League Soccer before kick off.

GO TEAM!

GO TEAM!

“We feel that it is our patriotic duty to show that we are patriotic and we have a duty,” stated Commissioner Don Garber. “It is important for everyone to know that our fanbases aren’t about politics, they are about enforced participation in the national anthem and pledge of allegiance of the United States of America.”

According to league insiders, even Canadian fans will be required to stand and participate in the pledge of allegiance as Commissioner Garber stated, “When President Trump finally invades Canada to take their oil and hotel rights our formerly Canadian fans will welcome the troops as the apolitical freedom fighters they pretend to be.”

An advanced copy of the MLS Pledge Of Allegiance indicates that there are some subtle changes to the overall pledge as the words were tailored to fit a soccer audience.

“I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and Major League Soccer for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all, and no political signs in the stadium."

“The game will start with the march out to the field,” stated Mark Abbot, president of Major League Soccer. “Then we will have the singing of only the anthem of the United States by all people in the stadium in a respectful fashion with no political protests, kneeling or sitting followed by the pledge of allegiance. This is a non political and very patriotic league dedicated towards the elimination of politics in sports and the funneling of money to the league by the fleshy things that have the wallets and tickets in the stands.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Commissioner Garber states, “white supremacists buy tickets too!”