Seattle, WA - Soccer fan Gloria Wright stated that she was still planning on following the upcoming World Cup despite being the only person among her friends who hasn’t ascended to France for the next month.

“It’s fine. I’m fine. Yes, I’m still planning on watching the World Cup,” stated Ms Wright to The Nutmeg News. “My friends have gone to a better place. They believed. They prayed. They sacrificed. They were chosen for a low interest rate credit card offer. In France they will eat and drink and be merry. Everyone will be dressed in the finest of polyester robes and personalized kits. They who are alive will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet Janice at the top of the Eiffel Tower. I’m fine. Seriously.”

According to herself as she stated it 26 times during our interview, Ms Wright was, “totally fine, seriously. Not jealous at all,” as she cat sit for 3 different friends heading overseas.

“There will be 22 women on the pitch, 11 will be taken and 11 will be left. Praise be to Ertz and Sauerbrunn for they know not what they do, but they do what they do anyway. I’m really going to enjoy the watch party that I’m having with Commander Thundershits.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as a penitent Wright prostrates herself before the website of CapitalOne before realizing… oh right…. she definitely couldn’t afford to go.