We Might Be About To See The Second Ever Photo Of A Black Hole Above The Vancouver Whitecaps Headquarters

VANCOUVER - An announcement next week by an international collaboration might contain the second photo of a black hole's event horizon over the Vancouver Whitecaps front office headquaters.


Scientists with the international Event Horizon Telescope project indicate that they first noticed the possibility of a black hole above the Whitecaps front office when questions sent to the Whitecaps about their culpability in the cover up and investigation into abuse claims, claims of hiring a coach with a history of racism, and allegations of a silencing abuse claims over the past 11 years were not returned.

“Clearly any organization involved in these claims would want to clear their name and show their desire to make things right,” stated head researcher Angela Davis. “So given that we know that to be true, there can only be one possibly reason why there’s been virtually nothing coming from the Whitecaps. Yes, a black hole that is so large it is sucking all communication, information and fun out of the area.”

Fans say that this makes sense as their repeated entreaties for a response grounded in admission, acknowledgement and amicably resolving the issue has been met with outright dismissive attitudes, terse responses or nothing at all.

“We’ve been walking out of games for weeks now,” stated one Southsiders member. “I just thought the Whitecaps were ignoring their fans as the attendance numbers plummet and B.C. Place turns into a morgue, but maybe it’s just a super-massive black hole!”

We sent an inquiry to the Vancouver Whitecaps about the situation but received no response thus showing that there is, in fact, what appears to be a black hole destined to eat the entirety of western British Columbia and possibly the world.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the blackhole eats away at Bob Lenarduzzi’s career.