USL And NPSL Teams Hit Up Forward Madison For Money After $25,000 US Open Cup Windfall

With the 3-0 victory over El Paso Locomotive, USL League One side Forward Madison received a $25,000 bonus from US Soccer for being the last Division III team in the tournament which resulted in the Wisconsin side receiving a number of phone calls regarding financial help from a multitude of disparate teams in the USL and NPSL.

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“The ink wasn’t even dry on the novelty check, yet,” stated Forward Madison Flamingo In Chief Ronald “Ronnie” Anderson. “Suddenly everyone we hadn’t heard from in 20 years was calling us asking how we were doing.”

Madison reportedly fielded calls from teams like Upper Irvine Trash Compactors FC, Lansing Disbanded, Punxatawny Hogs, and even teams from it’s own division such as the Eastern Georgia Bricklaying Troubadours, a team for singing tradesman.

“It’s amazing what a novelty check for $25,000 will do for your popularity,” stated Mr. Anderson. “Suddenly it was, ‘haven’t talked to you in a long time, but oh we have roster issues that a few ten thousand dollars might help,’ or, ‘we can’t afford soccer balls,’ or, ‘‘we can’t travel on the next leg of our USOC matchup,’ or, ‘I have a brand new idea that will revolutionize the training skills of teams in Peru,’ or, ‘the Chicago Fire really could use $25,000 so why don’t you just GIVE us the money.’ We can’t afford to give to all those causes and help ourselves at the same time.”

Forward Madison’s approach to utilizing the money revolves around turning half the grandstand area at Breese Steven’s Field into a Flamingo retirement facility for aging and vulnerable Flamingos.

“It’s important for us to support the people and animals that supported us getting into this crazy business. We aren’t called the aardvarks for a reason, those stingy bastards.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this when the US Soccer Federation check doesn’t clear.