Salt Lake City, UT - Reports from the collected supporters groups of Real Salt Lake (RSL) indicate that a recent song for Albert Rusnák that contained a total of three words was entirely too difficult to learn and get going as the song died a quick death after being tested in the RSL supporters groups.
"Look, this isn't complex," stated songwriter David Quizzens to fellow Salt Lake supporters who looked back at him with blank stares as they reflexively crossed their arms indicated their absolute lack of desire to sing.
"It's three fucking words, can you just try? Here... I'll start it for you... it's Love Shack, you guys know Love Shack, right? RUSNAK... ALBERT RUSNAK OHHHHH.... RUSNAK... ALBERT RUSNAK," screamed Quizzens as he noticed two men near him cough and sit down to talk about their upcoming trip to Moab.
According to everyone around Quizzens, they indicated that the song was too difficult to learn and get going as, "not everyone is going to get the B-52s, David."
The list of excuses as to why his fellow RSL fans would not sing this song included the following items:
#1 Too obscure
#2 Too many words
#3 Not enough words
#4 Not modern enough
#5 Not classic enough
#6 Too dumb
#7 Not dumb enough
#8 It doesn't befit a player of his skill
#9 It's not better than the song that Tim over in section 27 tried to get going.
#10 Not a true terrace classic from back when I used to attend those games at the Den, now those were a day when we wrote songs for local legends who knew what their pound was worth.
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Mr Quizzens vows to never support another player song by anyone else because of this absolute travesty.