LOS ANGELES - FOX television programming announced, today, that it would be broadcasting the 2018 World Cup final via tape delay in order to show a 90 minute documentary called, "What if the United States won the 2018 World Cup."
"We believe that our audience really only cares about the United States," stated FOX director of broadcasting and ethnic slurs Steve Sanders. "What we know is that average Americans only want to watch the United States win and that's that all we need to understand."
Mr. Sanders indicated that fans should be ready for some surprises as he stated that one such item will be the last 10 minutes of the game audio mixed in with Lee Greenwood's patriotic anthem "Proud To Be An American" and a low transparency waving American flag intercut with iconic aerial shots of corn fields and young Americans eating ice cream.
Insiders with FOX indicate that they compiled together game footage of previous United States World Cup games to utilize with motion captured players from this years World Cup games that will allow them to show the United States winning the 2018 World Cup and celebrating in Russia.
"It's going to be a very cathartic experience for the country," stated vice president of programming and director of racist literature Peter Yarborough. "We will finally allow all of the religious FOX viewers to celebrate the dominance of GOD's country as they should expect."
With viewership down on FOX due to everyone in the United states realizing that their coverage is, by and large, a complete dumpster fire, the network decided to pull the plug on broadcasting the final live in an effort to reach out to patriotic Americans who can only stomach the country being great, winning and kicking the shit out of smaller countries for fun.
"USA, USA, USA," stated one American Outlaws fan that we were able to interview. When asked to comment on the game change he then stated, "USA, USA, USA," before waving his American flag that was decorated with an AK-47 and the words "come and take it."
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as FOX goes ahead with their plan, but decides against showing the final game at all.