Race For The Bottom Enthralls Timbers And Sounders Fans

CASCADIA - The competition between Portland and Seattle is building to an early crescendo as the Timbers and the Sounders battled for worst team in the league with both teams firmly rooted to the bottom of the early standings.

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"Anyone can win," stated Sounders fan Gloria Evans. "Not everyone can lose. This is Major League Soccer. In this league most teams can win any time they take the field so it takes a special team to be able to lose. We spent the last two years going to MLS Cup and winning so much that it's really nice to have a different goal for 2018. What we are looking for is total capitulation, not domination. Maybe THIS will get some committed people in the supporters groups."

Timbers fans were equally thrilled with the direction of the team from Southern Cascadia as Roger Reynolds from Portland stated, "Damn it feels nice to be back in it and losing again. It's like the old days. Maybe this will knock off a few people from the waiting list, but I'm not holding my breath. Now if they would just bring back all the stuff, promotions and players that I loved from the USL days that no one knows about anymore because it's been 8 years since we last played in that division."

Analyst and former MLS player Clark Stewart stated that he thought both teams had the capabilities to go the distance, this year, as he noted that both teams are getting older and populated with injury prone players and fundamentally flawed defensive/offensive substitutes.

"We could be seeing an all-time competition for worst in the league," stated Stewart to The Nutmeg News. "Ultimately what I think happens is that one of the two teams will get better and that will be disappointing to everyone who would like to see Portland and Seattle finish dead fucking last."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as one of the two teams wins their next game and their fans immediately claim that they are going to win the league.