"Sports Are Very, Very, Very Serious Business" - Letter To The Editor

The Nutmeg News accepts letters to the editor, and will publish them when deemed appropriate. You may send correspondence, rebuttals or opinions to mail@thenutmegnews.com

The information within does not necessarily reflect the viewpoint of The Nutmeg News or its affiliates.

Today's letter comes from Hank Carmona of Petersburg, Virginia.

"Dear Nutmeg News,

I write to you today because I am a man. I have a penis. I have testicles. I know that sports are very, very, very serious business.

There is no humor in sports. There is no whimsy or cute.

There is only rugged, chiseled, strong men coated in mud playing under lights whilst old men in hounds-tooth hats smoke cigars and talk about the whishbone formation.

We must cleanse our palate of the idea of humor in sports. 

I WAS a soccer fan until I read your loathsome site and now I know categorically that soccer is terrible and I'm selling everything that I own and returning to only watching Football, a pure game.

You cannot make fun of things. Your website is trash. I am a man so I say these things with authority.

One cannot compare our sport of gladiators, in the NATIONAL: Football League (GOD BLESS AMERICA) with your puny sport that I used to love until I read this website.

One cannot write an article that seems so desperately cloying for hits. It's almost like you don't care at all about the public perception of your sport, which is shit anyway. Your sport is trash and you clearly know this and you are just reaching out in some endeavor to make yourself feel bigger. I am a man, I know this to be true.

You should understand your place in the hierarchy. We are all consumers hell bent upon ingesting slow motion shots from NFL films of the great Raiders teams. When you compare your sport to any other sport you fundamentally weaken your sport. As a representative of your sport you are responsible for every single recruitment effort made towards fans and because of this you show why soccer will never make it in the United States. This ill-advised femi-nazi article about the greatest GOD GIVEN GAME ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET, the Superb Owl, will be the reason that no child will ever watch your loathsome game. 

In short, I am very uncomfortable with all of this and I make my legally allowed demand, as a man, for you to stop such comparisons, columns, articles and poor attempts at humor.

Kind regards to your mother Midred,

Hank Carmona