Soccer Journalists Celebrate Finally Being Able To Turn In Berhalter To USMNT Columns

Soccer journalists the country over exhaled and celebrated as they were finally able to turn in their Berhalter to the United States men’s team columns that they first wrote over two years ago when Jurgen Klinsmann was fired from the position on the 21st of November 2016.


“I had to update all the dates and times like 10 times,” stated Sports illustrated writer David Hughes. “It’s been sitting in my drafts for like a year and a half now.”

Editor Langdon Howard stated that he almost submitted the column twice because he thought the announcement was imminent so he actually missed the initial deadline today because he couldn’t believe it was finally happening.

“It’s over? It’s finally over?” stated Howard to The Nutmeg News. “Holy shit, wait… you’ve got to be kidding me, did they actually announce this? No. Really? Ok, don’t take offense at this but I’m going to need to verify because this has been a long time coming.”

Washington Post writer Dash Lonely celebrated by opening up a celebratory bottle of vintage Cutty Sark and starting to drink before he quickly worked on submitting his column and updating his resume in case they decided to simultaneously fire him in a downsizing move for the company.

“HELL YEAH! THE WAIT IS OVER,” yelled Lonely as he updated his LinkedIN profile. "I can’t wait until I get a chance to write the postmortem on his career. I’m just going to copy/paste from my two different Bruce Arena columns.”

The Nutmeg News will have more this when Berhalter moves on to a better job coaching the USWNT.