George R.R. Martin Asks Major League Soccer To Hurry Up With The Playoffs

Santa Fe, NM - Author and soccer fan George R.R. Martin reportedly sent a lengthy hand-written letter to Major League Soccer (MLS) asking them to speed up the playoffs as the impatient fan awaited the conference championships in two weeks time.


“"This is your job,” wrote the vociferous author. “Your job is to entertain us. If you let the gap between entertainment widen too much people are going to move onto other authors.. i mean sports."

According to friends and family, Martin was enthralled with the Western and Eastern conference matchups as he intentionally avoided working on the new Game Of Thrones book The Winds Of Winter by watching the Cascadia matchup, RSL v SKC, Atlanta United v NYCFC and Red Bull New York v Columbus Crew.

“He was supposed to deliver two pages from the 45th chapter,” stated literary agent Delmont Lambreaux. “Instead, all I received was a lengthy essay on exactly what Mike Petke was going after by benching Justen Glad.”

With MLS scheduling that feels like an eternity between the semi-finals and the conference finals and MLS Cup, the writer of the Game of Thrones epics was reportedly very upset that the two week break would force him to confront his perpetual anxiety over the description of the type of rye bread served during a four hour dinner between an innkeeper and the 14th cousin of Jaime Lannister.

“I just want to keep the momentum going again from these playoffs series,” stated Martin when we reached out to him. “I don’t think anyone is going to remember the intensity of the situation if the games aren’t going to be played until Thanksgiving. What about all the plot points? Who is going to remember those?! No one is going to go back and re-watch all the games right before the next round. Sure, we will all CLAIM to do that, but I’m not re-watching first round games just so I can remember how I’m supposed to feel when the games go again. At this point, I'm just going to run the playoffs in FIFA this weekend and call it good. I’m not certain that I have time to wait until the actual games."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Martin turns in four more pages from The Winds Of Winter that include impassioned speech given by Daenerys Targaryn about V.A.R and the offside rule.