NWSL Suspends 2018 Season After Finding That Teams Can Use Tactics

The National Women's Soccer League (NWSL) reportedly suspended the 2018 season after finding out that teams within the league can use TACTICS.

Photo: Ann Odong - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Sam-kerr-2017-algarve.jpg

Photo: Ann Odong - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Sam-kerr-2017-algarve.jpg

"We were unaware of TACTICS until we read a recent article on gossip and news website AllTheShitThatFitsToPrint.com," stated managing director of operations Amanda Duffy. "A number of coaches and players reached out to us asking whether they could use tactics and we realized there was a problem."

According to the bylaws of the NWSL, TACTICS are prohibited for a team unless administered by a man and overseen by a tribunal of men known as the BroVersight Committee.

"We made certain that women wouldn't be confused by tactics," stated BroVersight Committee member Thomas London. "We know that the women on our teams just don't know that they are in a position, out there. We tell the players about a 4-4-2 or 4-2-3-1 position; and they blankly look at us while slowly returning to their jump squats, deadlifts and Mixed Martial Arts combat training."

According to inside sources, the NWSL will shut down for the entirety of the 2018 season until it has enough men running their teams so that the clueless women on the field can be correctly observed implementing TACTICS in an appropriate manner.

As well, according to USSF guidelines, the women will be required to watch the entire 2018 World Cup Qualifying campaign for the US Men's National Team to learn what real tactical implementation looks like.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as TACTICS go wrong and NWSL players just aimlessly run around in circles.