Newly Minted Red Bull New York Fan Promises To Be Caught Up On All Inside Jokes By End Of Season

NEW YORK - Newly minted Red Bull New York fan Andrew Edwards promised that he will catch up on all the inside jokes ever made by Metrostars and Red Bull fans by the end of the 2017 season.

"I've been in the dark when people make jokes about players, songs, and events in the past," stated Edwards to The Nutmeg News on Monday. "No More! I'm going to diligently study Big Soccer, Metro Fanatic, Twitter, and any listserv I can find on the internet archive and talk to everyone that I can so that I can learn all the horrible, horrible things that made this fanbase come up with these jokes as coping mechanisms in the first place."

Reportedly, the item that sent Edwards over the edge was a joke made about "The Plan", a reference to the 300 page plan by former Red Bull sporting director Ali Curtis, an event that happened 2 years and 6 months ago.

"I wasn't around for The Plan, so I ended up looking like an idiot when I asked about it," stated Edwards. "So this time I plan on knowing about The Plan, all the former Metro songs, and any jokes made about Lothar Matthaus who apparently was some guy from like 17 years ago? I don't know, but I'm going to find out and get back to you on that."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this when Edwards realizes that there is no way in hell he will ever absorb enough to have all the inside joke knowledge at the ready.