New Study Proves That A Drunken Idiot Will Be The Fan From Your Team Interviewed On Television

A new study by the Hollbrook Society, in conjunction with the RAND corporation, proved conclusively that a drunken idiot will be the fan interviewed by local and international news when they come to your town, soon.

"That fan that sits near you that everyone hates? Coming up on sports after the break!"

"That fan that sits near you that everyone hates? Coming up on sports after the break!"

"We studied set up fan interviews, fan on the street interviews and anything that was set up ad-hoc for a pre/post game interview," stated Director of Statistics and Broomball theory Theresa Spande. "Our data proved, conclusively, that the fan that the international and local news will interview is nearly 100% guaranteed to be a drunken idiot incapable of forming any kind of complete or coherent sentence."

Researchers say that the demographic, in the United States and Canada, of the fan interviewed is likely to be Male from 20 to 35 years old with a blood alcohol level of .08 or higher with a 50% chance of wearing a national team kit or English team kit to a club game with a front office scarf.

"We noticed that they typically appear highly intoxicated, and have a 60% chance of resorting to some kind of patronizing speech patterns. There is also a 75% chance of a 'woo' statement in place of some kind of meaningful information, as well as a decent chance of the fan referring to the interviewer by their first name, if the interviewer is an attractive woman."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as we look closer at the data that proves that the guy you know that spent most of the morning downing tequila in the parking lot is the one now talking to the British reporter about the upcoming game and fan culture in North America.