"No, I don't have any time for this shit. I've got a blog to update, phone calls to make, work emails to answer, two daily scrums to attend in the morning and another at 4:30 pm, a number of bills that I haven't set to auto-pay and a crippling inability to stop scanning instagram.
Here is what I'm going to rely upon.... Wild hyperbole? Check. Blanket Statements? Check. Gross generalizations based upon his age? Check. Positing questions about Bastian to myself in a written format and then answering them exposing my general lack of ability to generate a narrative other than questioning myself? Check.
We all know that the lack of playing time and where Schwien.. ugh.. ok.. look lets talk about his last name. I don't have time to spell check this shit. I need this blog post up NOW. Hell, I needed this blog post up about 2 hours ago. We all know it means pig something Pig Schteiner. Something to do with beer or thatching or some shit.
Also, I just got an email from MLS saying he is signed, so this blog needs to get updated NOW. NOW NOW NOW.
Wait, which world cup did he win? Screw it, I'm just going with World Cup Winner, as well. Thanks for the tip, random email.
Now I'm going to answer these work emails, call Richard and Ted, file a report from Friday and then I'll finish writing this post. Dammit! Ives scooped my first angle and Hot Time In Old Town already has their post up. Well, no time to wait, I'm just going to run this shit anyway.
Ok, here we go. It's YOLO time! Do kids say that anymore? PUBLISH!"