Desperate Fan Turns To NCAA Soccer To Stave Off Tremors

Fort Wayne, IN - Desperate soccer fan Ed Tyler sunk to a new low, Friday, as he planned to turn to NCAA Soccer in order to stave off the the Tremors that started happening after the soccer flushed out of his system Friday morning.


"I just need a taste, a fix... something to get me to the weekend when NBC shows up with some clean and uncut Premier League," stated Tyler to The Nutmeg News as he demanded more blankets from his recalcitrant cat Cristiano. "I'll just crush up some NCAA soccer and free base that tonight alongside some pizza rolls. I'll be fine."

According to friends, Mr Tyler increased his soccer usage over the last six months until he was using once per day. Over the past few weeks he started using twice or even three times a day as he went from MLS games to second division Argentinian league games streamed over Youtube live.

"He hasn't been the same since he discovered he could just get soccer all the time online," stated former friend Thomas Zubaj. "I had to kick him out of the house. He kept on stealing the laptop and would go off to a room or a closet to use soccer. It was getting so bad that he was even using at work."

For his part, Mr. Tyler stated that he sees no problem with using NCAA soccer to get to the weekend as he states, "I don't have a problem. I don't see why more people aren't concerned with Indiana v Michigan State. I tried to use synthetics to get off soccer, but it wouldn't take. I just don't get the warmth from FIFA 2018 that I get when I can ingest a Bolivian soccer match in 240p."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as friends discover Tyler passed out in his own bed after a 24 hour binge of soccer.