NEW YORK - After Kyle Martino announced his bid for US Soccer Federation (USSF) President, his glorious hair stated that it was yet to make a decision on a run for the vaunted position.
"I've got a lot of things on my plate," stated Martino's Hair. "What with trips to get softly caressed to maintain my bounce, appointments to ensure that my locks are bathed in only the finest cleansers, styling mousse and wax consultancy with Loreal, and opportunities to speak on the Syrian refugee crisis... It's a busy time."
Often the highlight of the commentary and pundit team on NBC Sports, Martino's hair carries considerable weight while still looking fresh, upright, bouncy and verdant.
"Of course I want to see the best for the soccer nation, but I have legacy of great hair to follow," stated Martino's Hair. "We must work together to ensure that people don't forget how great hair can make great men, and we must work to end the food crisis in Venezuela. If Kyle want's to go off to the USSF fight, I understand that.... but with great hair, comes great power."
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Martino's Hair announces a new autobiography titled "My Roots."