United Win As United Lose As United Lose Late

The past week in Major League Soccer (MLS) was eventful as United won as United lost after United lost late.

Every city gets a United!

Every city gets a United!

"United playing United was a pulsating contest," claimed United announcer Roger Everly. "Clearly it wasn't at the level of United playing United from earlier in the season. Or United playing United away, or United playing United at home. Or that road game for United where they fought against United, or really even that game from earlier in the year where a struggling United played well against an in-form United; but still, it was a resplendent advertisement for United, United, but not United."

"We thought that United might struggle this year as we also thought United would be better this season as we also thought that United played pretty well," stated MLS statistical analyst Jeremy Gouche. "We also thought that United played better than we thought United would play and was only second to our overall thought that United also played very poorly at times, but also very well in their win as well as their loss"

Reportedly fans were both elated, upset and nonplussed at the results for United this week as they were looking forward to next weekend.

"United are going to dominate next weekend, but we also expect United to lose and United may also lose or draw," stated Gouche. "So set your fantasy lineup to make certain you include United players, but also don't include United players, and maybe pick up this United player because he is going to be ok against the matchup."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as United play United while United wait for United and United looks from the outside to see if they, alongside United, will make MLS Expansion.