LOS ANGELES - Rumors are swirling within the SuperDraft that the New England Revolution are attempting to force a trade in an effort to acquire the rights to Hat-Trick-Rick.
"Our publicity, scouting and cookie baking department indicated that this fella is just a barnstorming goalscorer," stated Brian Bilello, the president of the Revolution.
"If we have to give up all our picks, this may be something we are amenable to do, as long as Hat-Trick-Rick is in Revolution colors by the end of the day."
Scouts within the Revolution indicate that their budget only allowed them to utilize television watching and Youtube streams to find players, but it was their belief that Hat-Trick-Rick looked very athletic. They also stated that his branding and messaging were on point comparing him to a young Landon Donovan.
"Hat-Trick-Rick is the future, the past, the present, the dream maker, the old chief, the billy goat gruff, the gentle dancing unicorn, the volatile, drunken, river fording Quebec fur trapper, the earth shaker, and the player who can finally get us over the hump to the dreamland of another MLS Cup loss," stated Bilello. "We can't wait to get started and see his myriad of tricks on the field."
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Hat-Trick-Rick holds out in contract negotiations for more money.