Man Resorts To Highlight Package To Keep Office Identity After Opening NFL Weekend

NEW YORK - In order to keep his soccer fan identity at his office, Jason Kershaw admitted that he had to resort to utilizing the highlights from the Red Bull/D.C. United Game..

"Isn't your team playing in soccer right now?"

"Isn't your team playing in soccer right now?"

"I spent the entire Sunday watching the NFL and I completely forgot about watching any soccer games til I got into work and my co-worker Brad expected to have a conversation about the D.C. United/Red Bull game," stated Kershaw to The Nutmeg News. "I quickly excused myself for a bout of pretend explosive diarrhea and ran to the bathroom to watch the highlights from this weekend so I could keep my office cred of being a soccer guy."

Kershaw reportedly was able to glean enough from the highlight package that he was able to resume the conversation about soccer with co-worker Brad Smith after Kershaw returned from the bathroom.

"I can't believe they threw away another lead," stated Kershaw as he nervously played with his keys and reminded himself to stick to general themes and not specific game points. "They'd be in first place if we could just stop from coughing up the ball."

Kershaw than allowed Smith to talk about the game for the next 10 minutes before he excused himself back to his desk for a, "meeting... um... that I have.. real soon," where he worked on setting his NFL fantasy lineup for the next spate of upcoming games.

"I need a new running back and I need to figure out a QB situation. I'll read up on the Red Bull game later, I gotta figure out this stuff soon before I fall back too far in my fantasy league."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Kershaw mistakenly talks about Ronald Zubar's positive impact on the game.