Soccer Trolls Unite To Set New Standards

Soccer trolls the continent over announced that they are uniting to set new standards for their members in order to further their trolling over the game they hate.

 "We had t-shirts but the soccer morons kept buying them to wear ironically."

"We had t-shirts but the soccer morons kept buying them to wear ironically."

"We've been utilizing the 'this is 'MURICA we hate ties' argument for so long that it has been well and truly fucked out," stated Jason Levinthen director of Soccer Haters Of North America (SHONA). "I even saw someone utilizing the old standard of throwing out homophobic slurs in order to demean soccer players as 'limp wristed' or 'pansies' while praising football and the olden days when, 'men were men'. This kind of terrible trolling will not stand. We must work together as a group to enable new standards in order for people who hate soccer to actually get under the skin of people who love soccer."

The Nutmeg News spoke with SHONA member and soccer hater, Jim Davies of Tallahassee, Florida, about his trolling game and he had the following to say, "I've had to step up my game. I realized that yelling about how this country won't stand for soccer doesn't work anymore. So I've started watching games to get intimate details that I can use to troll soccer fans with. I mean, without knowledge I'm just an empty blowhard spewing vomit out into the internet. With knowledge, I can really make these communists feel bad."

Reportedly, Mr Levinthen has advised SHONA members to be careful about their soccer consumption as he has already lost some members to the sport with their repeated viewing.

"I recommend that all SHONA members douche their frontal cortex with a heavy amount of the hardest hits in the NFL in order to restore their manliness. We can't be losing our essence to these godless round ball loving fools. We must stay strong and remember that we watch so that we can hate."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Mr. Levinthen depressingly finds himself excited for an upcoming Champions League Game.