Philadelphia Woman Prepares For End Of Days As Union Top Eastern Conference

Philadelphia, PA - Union fan Sandra Rast began preparing for the end of days, as the signs have foretold, with the Union topping the Eastern Conference alongside Montreal six games into the season.

 THE PROPHECY IS TRUE!

THE PROPHECY IS TRUE!

"THE SIGNS HAVE BEEN FORETOLD," ranted Ms Rast. "First the evil one would ascend in the form of a Nowak with his disciple Sakiewicz bringing brimstone and hellfire upon us. We fought the demon and the number was 6 which brought Roland Alberg to us in the year of Curtain 2016. Therefore, Sheanon Williams ascended from our Astral Plane to sacrifice himself for our greater good. This moment of grace brought us Tranquillo and we gathered not to mourn like seasons past, but to prepare for the apocalypse for LO THE NIGHT... The Union must now top the east and the beast shall be unleashed."

Ms. Rast made this statement to our reporter while stocking her pantry with essentials and canned goods which included an unopened box of Twinkies, 25 cans of Dinty Moore Beans and Wieners, a copy of Guns & Ammo, and a Sebastian LeToux jersey.

"The standings have foretold that the great destruction is imminent.  The prophecy is true! We must gather our crops, and our Chef Boyardee and remove ourselves to enjoy these moments in the peace and love that our family brings. Hail Sapong and the watchful eye cast over Sugarman, may we know love in their grace as we prepare for the end."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Ms. Rast gathers her neighbors to watch the Union's upcoming game against Seattle on the 16th in her retrofitted Armageddon basement and place for her brother to practice with his metal band DOOMsayer.