Major League Soccer T.I.F.O Rankings: Week 3

Welcome to the third week of the rest of your life, Major League Soccer fans and fans of teams within this league, fans of other leagues, and fans of international curling that somehow got here. This is the last week before supporters from the USL start blowing you guys out of the water with their technical artistry.

The Nutmeg News has collected and summarized the Top um.... well... the Top something... I mean honestly, people.... there weren't three "best"  T.I.F.O displays for us to take a look at. Anyway, we look, today, at some number greater than one in the league from the supporters groups associated with those teams. I mean honestly... given the options this week, you are lucky to get anything at all.

These rankings are iron clad and fully vested within all states and provinces except for Guam, Puerto Rico, Alberta, and Regina which is not a province, but it is still not valid there, ask the local government why. They are non-negotiable and if you disagree, you are wrong. Having said that, here are the best T.I.F.O displays of the week.

#1 District Ultras - DC United

Summary: Look, any group that does a GWAR T.I.F.O is eventually going to find that it is all downhill from that masterpiece. This T.I.F.O is, um, just.... well... as forgettable as the game was. While the millenials in the office were all distracted by Deadpool, recently, the older folks in the office are wondering whatever happened to the Batusi? You know... Adam West... the Batusi.... Burt Ward? Those were the days, back when there was Bat Shark Repellent and you had people like Cesar Romero playing the Joker, and we used to buy our yogurt for a nickle. Anyway, um... yeah, the theme this week is relatively disappointing T.I.F.O which really includes this column, however the interns only get breakfast if they come up with a few words on stuff like this so you, the reader, are just going to have to suffer.

#2 Sons Of Ben - Philadelphia Union

Summary: There is nothing more ultra than spectacles. Nothing. Especially spectacles on skull face. At least that's what some of us in the office think it is. A number of people thought it was the Wu-Tang symbol. A few others thought it was a modern art interpretation of the balance of weights. Some others thought it was a way to indicate the axle of a train straddling a pivot. At that point, we stopped asking people around the office because we were all bored and we went to have dinner. Neil ordered tacos again, but didn't get soft shell, which is really just awful, and honestly no one knows why he likes hard shell tacos, but they really aren't tacos if they are hard shell. Carol started talking about her time in a convent back in 1984. It was an interesting story, but in reality most of the interns started checking out and posting cat pictures to their private twitter accounts. Somehow, no one really seemed to understand that we were just passing time while waiting for our eventual death, but we just carry on anyway. So, um.... what were we talking about? Oh right, T.I.F.O. Well, in reality this isn't bad, the artistry is there, it's just... um.... forgettable, again.  But look at that bridge. I mean that's some bridge, and the stands in the supporters group section are mostly full, and it's grey but the water is really nice and the Union won and there was a chill in the air. It was March in Chester and we enjoyed the swell of the press box as the stands modestly filled up around the stadium. The energy was low, but it existed despite the best efforts of... wait... um... yeah. T.I.F.O.


Seattle Sounders Fans