Denver, CO - The Colorado Rapids have announced that they will be rolling out the red carpet walker for Tim Howard as they welcome the designated player, 2.8 million dollar, 37 year old goal keeper to the team.
"It's important to keep Tim healthy and happy," stated Rapids director of personnel and accounting and scouting and publicity and customer relations and grounds keeping and ticket sales Howard Lowengruber. "At his advancing age, we must ensure that he doesn't twist a hip or injure himself during his arrival to Denver. We must also make sure that he can make his 2 promotional appearances at the Gart Sports on Kalamath. As far as I know we should be good to go for that, but I haven't called them yet to verify."
The Rapids have also confirmed that in order to get full value from Howard's long contract that they have included a Metamucil, Geritol, and Advocare clause in his contract.
"Tim will be ingesting pure Metamucil, Geritol, and a cherry blossom aura cleansing colonic from Advocare," stated Mr Lowengruber. "We hope that this will keep his vigor tight and his goalkeeping on point as he exhibits his steep decline that brought him to us from Everton."
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Howard realizes what he got himself into when he sees the team play.