Kansas City, KS - Waking up for his 35th birthday, Sporting Kansas City supporter Oliver Horva realized that his time was running out.
"I just turned 35, and I'm starting to to come to an understanding that I have left the demographic that allows me to be heavily interested in soccer." stated Mr Horva to The Nutmeg News on Thursday. "I'm already preparing for my next sports obsession with Baseball and the Kansas City Royals. Not to mention angrily talking about how things used to be as I transition into my 40's."
While Mr Horva is an ardent fan of Sporting Kansas City and helped paint displays and sing as loud as he could, he has noticed in recent weeks that his body has started pointing him towards sitting in his chair, drinking beer and watching the Royals on television.
"I can't jump like I used to, and I'm starting to examine the words of 'I believe' to the point of questioning whether the song is a manifestation of the braggadocio of youth. Damn Kids. GET OFF MY LAWN. I didn't know the transition from soccer fan to baseball fan would be this jarring, but I'm already preparing to fall asleep in my lounger around the 4th inning of the opening game of the season for the Royals."
With the crystal of his supporter life changing to red, Mr Horva is preparing for one final go round in the Cauldron before he is hauled off for just being, "Goddamn old as shit."
"I'm hoping that I don't break a hip in there," stated a furtive Horva to his wife. "I'm afraid everyone is going to tell that I'm too old to be in there. I mean, I see other old guys all the time. I can be like them, right? I'm not too old! I can still be there! YOU CAN'T FORCE ME OUT! I'M GOING TO POGO FOR 90 MINUTES!"
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Mr Horva attempts to defy his age by purchasing a flat brimmed hat, using the words "on fleek" and trying to chug a beer for every missed shot in warmups.