North American Soccer Referees Admit, "Yes, We Hate Your Team"

North American soccer Referees today admitted, "Yes, we hate your team" when asked about discrepancies in their calls over the past 5 months.

"We hate your team, yes your team. Every time we referee against your team it is a grand conspiracy to find a way to screw your team out of three points. What we do (or don't do) on a game by game basis couldn't be chalked up to incompetence, poor training or the inability of people to see all things at all times. No, it is pure forethought and malice. The night before your team plays we talk about how we are going to screw your team out of a win or draw.

We talk about calling fouls against the player that you like but also not calling fouls suffered against the player you like. I tell the fourth official to miss a few offside calls so that it will let that player you hate in to have a few one-on-one opportunities to score. If you somehow like both teams in the match rest assured that we hate both teams, but it can be guaranteed that whichever of the two teams you like more, we hate that much more. I mean if somehow you love New York and Philadelphia, we are going to ensure that the game is an un-watchable mess. 

We also hate your coach. We would love nothing more than to get him sent off. We also hate you. Mostly we hate the players and the game, which is why we are professionals in a profession which is met with nearly universal hatred, disdain and continual unrelenting pressure. 

I mean, who doesn't want to be the mediator in a free-form art piece filled with the fittest players in the world who will do literally anything to deceive you and win, including biting players, faking injuries, intentionally injuring players, talking trash and trying to intimidate us physically. We are talking about players who can run through a wall and are continually playing on edge, so it naturally makes sense that we would conspire against them so that your day is ruined. Naturally part of YOUR day job is running a field repeatedly in the middle of 22 players while trying to mediate a dispute by using law of the game interpretations that are basically complete judgment calls while a play happens in a split second that will determine a championship and the sweat just so happened to be in your eye at that exact time. No? Well this is why we conspire against your team. 

Collectively, we the Referees of North America hope that your team loses this weekend."