Old Man Remembers When MLS ASG Meant Something, Back In 2014

Denver, CO - With Tottenham Hotspur manager Mauricio Pochettino guaranteeing that he will shake Pablo Mastroeni's hand (provided that Mastroeni hasn't been fired by then) during the All Star Game, resident crank Drew McGary fondly remember when the Major League soccer All Star Game meant something.

"Back in 2014, we didn't shake each others hands and no one wanted to lose." said McGary from his barstool at the British Bulldog. "Now adays you kids and your handshakes and kit exchanges and takin selfies with the opposing teammates, its an embarrassment." 

McGary, of course, is referencing the dramatic turn from the 2014 where a visibly upset Pep Guardiola shattered Caleb Porters heart into a million pieces when Porter attempted to just a get a chance to touch his gold plaited god.

 "And stop dressing like me too!"

"And stop dressing like me too!"

While some may say that McGary is having nostalgia for a time that doesn't actually represent the feeling at the time, he begs to differ. "Don't let people tell you that they didn't care. Why you could walk down any main street and watch the match on the high definition televisions that they sold in the windows of Montgomery Wards. Why everyone knows where they were when Guardiola snubbed Porter. I'll tell you there was talk of war afterwards. Now this guaranteed handshake mistake will guide us into the world of selfie sticks and having your children not playing outside. It's terrible I tells ya!"