Players Sweating Their Face Off Are Convinced That Fans Are Half-Assing It In The Stands

With the recent heat rise in the west, more and more Major League Soccer players are convinced that their fans are faking their enthusiasm and not giving 100% for the team.

"It's fine, guys. I'm just working my ass off down here while you pound beers and yell at me to run faster"

"It's fine, guys. I'm just working my ass off down here while you pound beers and yell at me to run faster"

"Here i am, running around on the field with reckless abandon, getting stuck in and playing my heart out on the field and there is Joe Lunchbowl drinking carbonated water in the stands. He is not singing, not waiving flags and generally looking like he doesn't give a shit. We respect the badge, we fight for the badge but you just spend the entire first 45 minutes shoveling nachos into your mouth and talking about that dry heat in Phoenix as a way to show how badass you were in freshmen debate team when you had to perform on the road. Fuck off with that weak shit. I'm running on burning grass in the blinding sun trying to stop a 21 year old 1% body fat Ghanaian from scoring, but yes.... chat about your day working at the Diamond Shamrock?" said one anonymous player.

"If they want to just stand there and do nothing they should get sent down to the USL or GTFO out of our league. We are about giving 100% for the badge and 100% for the fans in the stands, but they are just taking advantage of our loyalty and our literal sweat as we work our ass off on the field for those lazy pricks." said another anonymous player.

Things got so bad recently that some of the players coming off the field demanded that the fans return their scarves and clothing as a sign of protest against their decaying institution of support. "This is bullshit. We are the ones running around and they are just harping relentlessly on bringing in water bottles and scheduling concerns. Let's see them running around in the heat for 95 minutes and then we will talk. I want that supporters kit and I want him to realize that he owes everything to me. "

The Nutmeg News will have more on this development as it happens.