Seattle, WA - In an extension of their current sponsorship as the OFFICIAL Sports Nutrition Partner of Major League Soccer, AdvoCare today announced a partnership with Monsanto to sell Major League Soccer branded, genetically modified "Rave Green Fitness Prunes".
Having enlisted Seattle Sounder forward Clint Dempsey as a spokesman for the new super fruit, AdvoCare indicated that they are forging ahead into the realm of branded and genetically modified fruits and vegetables with AdvoCare additives to increase strength, flexibility and the frequency of use of the Major League Soccer fan's colon.
"We here at AdvoCare are dedicated to making you better, because you aren't good enough without MUSCLE FUEL." said director of advertising Rod Underwood. "We are partnering up with Monsanto and their flotilla of lawyers to be the first pyramid scheme nutritional supplement organization to sell AdvoCare: Major League Soccer branded Rave Green Fitness Prunes. We will offer a variety of different options including those loaded with 10,000 mg of protein, 10,000 mg of creatine, or even the SUPERMAX Fitness Prune, a fruit loaded with 40,000 mg of fiber, creatine, caffeine and nicotine for that smoooooooth flavor."
While AdvoCare is generally regarded as a pyramid scheme hell bent on relieving easily fooled people out of the money they would have spent on a Herbalife franchise, the Major League Soccer sponsor has made significant inroads into the North American soccer communities in recent years. Mr Underwood had the following to say about these gains, "We are focused on the nutrition of children. More specifically, we are concerned that children today aren't getting enough anabolic steroids in their prunes, strawberries and carrots. How can we compete as a soccer nation if we aren't starting our children on the path to insane doping cycles, additional supplements and yeast additives at an early age. We will never be a nation of soccer until we are filling crossfit gyms with angry 5 foot 4 ex-soccer players who dropped out because the combination of Adderall, CYTOMAX, and ADVOCARE MUSCLE FUEL made them burst a blood vessel in their quad when they tried out for the Columbus Crew."
The Nutmeg News will have more on this partnership as it happens.