Breaking News: Clint Dempsey To Be Suspended

NEW YORK CITY - Breaking news from the US Soccer Federation as they ruled that Clint Dempsey would be suspended from the lunch buffet at the US Soccer Federation headquarters. 

Sunil Gulati released a statement outlying the punishment in full. "Clint knows that he went over the line and we are prepared to accept his apology. He has been suspended from using the free lunch buffet at the US Soccer Federation headquarters and he will be required to attend sensitivity training with PRO referees at a company retreat at Meadows Luxury Holistic Spa in Big Sur, California." 

Gulati also indicted that Dempsey will be required to apologize to himself, for letting himself down in a mirror that Gulati uses for his daily affirmations. 

"It's important that we don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. Sure Clint messed up, but we all know that the referees we employee are crap. Honestly, the guy had it coming for messing up Clint's night. It could happen to any of us at any time. That said, Clint knows he must suffer the consequences and if the consequences are an aura cleansing massage and round of golf at a luxury retreat, then so be it."

The Nutmeg News will have more coverage on Dempsey's punishment as it happens.