Chicago Fire Fans Running Out Of Euphemisms For Crap Team

CHICAGO - Chicago Fire fans have taken such a beating in recent years due to the construct of their team that they have admitted they are running out of enthusiastically terrible ways to describe the Fire.

"We started with 'they played terrible', which was followed with 'what a shit show' and then 'what a dumpster fire' before we just progressed to emoji's that contain all of our pain and sadness" said blogger Kerry Weitz. "It's just been a slow, downward, unending progression of wins to draws to losses. It is really showing the inevitable destruction of life, but I'm not entirely sure that is what sports is all about."

Sports fans in the greater Chicago area that actually care about soccer enough to find and follow a team that is struggling have had to embrace the idea that the Fire are just doing enough to hang out in 9th out of 10th place in the eastern conference.

"It feels like we are a small market team, but I'm not even sure how that is possible. This is Chicago and we are run like a restaurant that needs to make enough money to decide between paying their meat vendor or paying their restaurant staff on the night. I mean I guess it could be worse, we could have fewer points than NYCFC."

Fire writer Damien Jacobson had the following to say, "This team has just drifted further and further away from the high flying days of making the playoffs in 2013. It doesn't even feel possible right now to see where that team went and where this team is going. I suppose that at least we don't have relegation, but honestly that would probably solve our ownership and investment problems by forcing them to own up to the fact that they don't know what they are doing. I've just gone to the thesaurus to describe their play recently and I'm now using a plethora of words like ghastly, awful, grim, atrocious, and scandalous. I've also been playing around with using conjoined non-words like 'shittastic', which describes so much of our last two seasons."

While unapologetic optimist Jamie Bravo had the following to say, "I'm just waiting for Mike Magee to come back. We are three points out of a playoff spot, these other fans are just terrible fans. We have to remember to always support everything put in front of us. It'll work out, like it always does."