Philadelphia, PA - Despite having roughly 1,452,340,235 goalkeepers already signed to their roster, the Philadelphia Union have ended up with none after accidents on the training pitch and the continuing saga of their premier signing, M'bolhi, this season. As such, the Union have announced that they are turning control of their goalkeeper position over to the Philadelphia away fans who can come try out on Saturday about 10 minutes before the game in Vancouver.
Director of Public Relations, Steve Haner, had the following to say, "We don't care who you are or what you do, but if you want to come play keeper for the Union then COME ON DOWN! We were overloaded on keepers, but now we have a massive vacancy, somehow. This may seem unbelievably depressing if you are Union fan, but it shouldn't be. That's because YOU could be the keeper and this was really our plan all along, trust me. So if you have two hands, two feet, and you are genetically predisposed to not freak out when a bunch of 175 pound men run at you as fast as humanely possible, then you could be the starting goalkeeper for the Union."
Mr. Haner also stated that the team is considering crowd sourcing a manager after they fire Jim Curtin for a whole wealth of situations that he couldn't really possibly control including the clownshoes way in which the team has been run recently, "It's important for us to continue the idea that we are just one coach away from having this right" said Haner "In that vein, expect us to wait til summer to fire Curtin and then we will find some smart janitor like that Good Will Hunting movie to run the team, or maybe we could find a plumber from Harrisburg, now THAT would be a feel good story."
TNN asked about the possibility of hiring a professional coach and Mr. Haner stated, "Well, we DO still have Nowak on speed dial."