NEW YORK - Major League Soccer (MLS) analyst Steve Teddington was recently committed to the Manhattan Psychiatric Center after suffering a nervous breakdown on the job.
Teddington was reportedly working on a editor's pickem column for the Major League Soccer website after a week in which he picked both Los Angeles and Real Salt Lake to win. The Nutmeg News spoke to editor Thomas Szuboc about Teddington's psychotic break.
"Well, he was working on the numbers for next week and he realized that he had written 186 straight losing pickem choices. Steve freaked out, threw a chair across the room and then started screaming LA 4-0 LA 4-0 WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY. He then ran out of the room while ripping his shirt off."
Teddington was reportedly seen running through the streets of Manhattan trying to sell fraudulent maps of Battery park that contained false information about historical soccer games played there.
The Nutmeg News spoke to Mr Teddington's wife, Gloria. "Steve was under a lot of pressure, he kept telling me that the games never make any sense and that he couldn't find any reason why any team should win in any game at any time. In the last week he talked about betting against the teams that he picked to win because he thought he was a demon bent on the destruction of the world, but that wasn't really out of the ordinary for him. Of course we all know that this is the exact thing that promotion and relegation would have kept from happening. My dear sweet Steven is now locked up in the psychiatric ward, and I blame Bruce Arena. Orlando 4-0 over LA, who would pick that?"
Mr Szuboc had the following to say, "It's a tough game because you know that you are going to lose most of the time doing pickem columns. I mean even the best of us get an LA 4-0 game against Orlando but we need the ability to get through those games because honestly not one single person has any clue what is going to happen game to game in this league. This is exactly why I switched to power rankings, because then I just get to roll a bunch of dice on my desk for a few minutes and ask a few writers to come up with some pithy quotes. I pity the poor bastards that are forced to try to pick games, I really do. Hell on earth man.... hell on earth."