MLS Confirms Preliminary Talks for Demotion of Colorado

NEW YORK - Major League Soccer (MLS) confirmed that it is exploring the idea of demoting Colorado down to the USL in order to promote the Jacksonville Armada after a particularly great showing in terms of attendance.

"We are calling this measure 'enforced demotion' which, you will see, is drastically different from the idea of Promotion/Relegation. Primarily the main difference is that we have given up on the Colorado Rapids, and they just won't get a chance to come back up again", said Don Garber, commissioner of Major League Soccer.

"The only metric that we care about is money and asses in the seats. Colorado had 11,450 at their last game and Jacksonville had 16,164. By the metric of only one game they are clearly headed in opposite directions, and privately I'd really like to screw the NASL again by taking another one of their teams. Honestly, Stan Kroenke isn't really that bothered by this because being divested of the Rapids allows him to focus in on what he really wants, the capture and then slaughter of the Los Angeles National Football League market."

The Nutmeg News learned that this enforced demotion rule was created when Major League Soccer was having difficulties with Chivas USA. Though the partnership wasn't in place with the USL to allow it at that time, MLS front office staff confirmed that the league is just going to use this as a carrot and stick philosophy until a rich oil sheikh buys an NASL team. At that time, MLS can use the enforced demotion rule to reshape Major League Soccer according to their whims.

"There's always time for us to create some new rule exception that allows us to increase profitability across the board", said Garber "I just can't wait to welcome the additional 5 thousand wallets, er... people, that attended the Jacksonville game recently."