MLS Teams Focused On 13 Wins And Taking The Rest Of The Year Off

Teams around Major League Soccer (MLS) have realized that the only thing that makes sense in a league of parity is to make the playoffs and have started prioritizing their team as such.

"All we need to do is win 13 games, play a few dull 1-1 draws and then we can take the rest of the year off, lose every single game, go to the beach and just relax," said defender Omar Gonzalez.

With the LA Galaxy already sitting on 3 wins and 2 draws, they have 27 more games left in the season to win 10 more.

"We are really focusing on not giving a crap come August" said head coach Bruce Arena. "If we can get 10 more wins early, I'll probably just start playing USL players on loan. The rest of the season won't really matter because seeding for the playoffs really doesn't make a huge difference."

In Vancouver, where the Whitecaps are sitting on five wins, head coach Carl Robinson is elated at the possibility of not giving a shit about the rest of the season by July. "We only have 8 more games to win over the course of 26. We could be sitting pretty by the All Star Game if we time this right.  If we hit our target early, the plan is to just forfeit the rest of the season and spend most of it on nature hikes through Stanley Park and shopping on Granville Island.

In New York City, head coach of the Red Bulls Jesse Marsch stated his interest in being done for a special event. "Well, I'm showing a collection at New York Fashion Week in February, so I need to hit our goal target by July if I'm going to have time to sew. It's important that we get this done because I'm planning on completely zoning out during games and sketching a new and exciting pair of gaucho pant that will revolutionize the world"