Major League Soccer Announces Final Fantasy Soccer

NEW YORK CITY - Major League Soccer (MLS) today announced a radical new partnership with Square Enix Global which will change the way in which MLS Fantasy Soccer will be played.

Brek Shea, pictured here, will have an ability to summon a Chocobo, for added speed.

Brek Shea, pictured here, will have an ability to summon a Chocobo, for added speed.

“Today, Major League Soccer is going to move into the next millennium in terms of our online entertainment division and we have partnered with the most iconic Japanese Role Playing Game developer, Square Enix Global, in order to facilitate that”, said MLS director of fantasy games Ronald Dupris.

In a detailed press release the front office announced,in conjunction with Square Enix, a complete reconfiguration of all the data points in fantasy soccer including revamped statistics, methodology and game play in a way that would please even the hardest gamer nerd fan boy.

“Major League Soccer games will no longer depend just on goals, assists, and defensive performances, but rather on Hit Points, Mana Points, PVP battles, spells, enchantments, thrown items and whether or not you cast the correct spell at the right time to reflect attacks back at your opponent.”

An example of this is at the CDM position where players like Jermaine Jones  will have an HP of 300 with a MP of 400 and the ability to cast “Wall” (where he reflects magical charges) as long as someone like Dom Dwyer doesn't cast a break spell, which will totally lead to Jones' wall being dropped before Dwyer casts Meteo and smashes the back line apart, that is until Gonsalves tries to cast Ultima which TOTALLY blows up in his face because Benny Feilhaber has actually been summoning Bahamut in the background which owns, OWNS, Ultima point blank and leads to a goal, which generates a ton of XP for your team and allows you to equip them with Celestriad (The Economizer) which makes any player cast spells for 1 mp.

MLS also announced that Final Fantasy Soccer will contain multiple stories lines, managed by the front office, hidden characters that may transfer into your squad, and completely insane player acquisition methodology that hinders your squad when you are about to go in and face a final boss. Also, all MLS emergency squad players will be renamed to Cid and everyone who plays Final Fantasy Soccer will finish the game with the 46 elixers, 100 shurikens, and a spare Jalil Anibaba that you thought you would need at some point.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as players debate whether or not they REALLY need to use a cabin during the All-Star break.