MLS Capos Discuss Possible Strike

DENVER - At the recent Independent Supporters Council (ISC) meeting, capos from different teams in Major League Soccer (MLS) discussed a possible strike at the beginning of the 2015 season. Citing issues with supporters group management, the unified membership began ratifying a statement of demands that will need to be addressed  before they turn around to scream at fans to sing more.

"We have demands and our collective bargaining has been weak in the past," said Roger Ninivent from the Timbers Army. "However, now we are adamant about our position."

The new Major League Soccer Capo's Union is demanding a list of items according to their new press release including the ability to turn around and actually watch the game, cold water, cold beer, miniature hat umbrellas that look cool to avoid sunburn, singing lessons so that they can incorporate more songs in tune at a higher vocal range, two crates of "Singer's Saving Grace", a megaphone replacement policy, a vat of beard balm, the ability to post hyper critical dissertations against capitalism from the main supporters group Facebook account, a dump truck full of bath salts,  and a pallet of old, expired 4Loko that the government hasn't seized yet. The MLS capos union also had a statement against being forced to capo at national team games, friendlies and games where they just aren't feeling it.

There were no representatives from Columbus Crew present but they released a statement, "This is why we ensured against capos and a capo union in the past. We must control our bottom line and avoid chant stoppages." The capos union fired back in an tweet "That's why you never sing in the first place". 

Local drum and trumpet unions are siding with their brothers in labor by refusing to play a syncopated beat. Although they fully admit that this will not really change anything in some locations. "We will play 45 minutes of the god-damned Sanford and Sons theme song if our brother's demands aren't met" said Ralph Hoegarden of the Sons of Ben.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this potential capo strike as it develops.