Party Had Despite Lack of Pyro

WASHINGTON - Pyro advocate and Barra Brava member Paula Osterhaus admitted that D.C. United fans had a party despite their lack of pyro during their recent playoff game against Red Bull New York on Sunday.

The District Ultras want Pyro.

The District Ultras want Pyro.

"I hate to admit that it was a great party in the stands despite the lack of Pyro" said Ms. Osterhaus. "While I was of the belief that one can guarantee No Pyro No Party is absolutely factual in every way, in fact the opposite proved true and we had a party with zero pyro. True, the final score brought us down, but no amount of flares in the stands would make losing to those bastards ok. Well, maybe a lot of flares, at least more than 2."

While the disappointing realization that one of her core tenents may have not been true was startling, Ms. Osterhaus stated, "This still doesn't change my belief that Pyro makes things better. I still believe in the idea of No Pyro No Party even if I know now that you can indeed have a party without pyro. I'm disappointed, but we will carry on our fight for the legalization of incendiary devices in stadiums everywhere."

The Nutmeg News will have more information on this when Ms. Osterhaus realizes that No Pirlo No Party may not be true as well.